Autumnal confessions and sexy advice. Feeling flirty? Get a date!
Please, Please Be Yourself!
Last week I received an email with a story from a SexyAds member in England who had chatted with a new friend for a while and finally decided to meet. She’s recently gone through a rough patch of life and was really looking forward to catching up in person. They’d exchanged photos so they both knew what to expect — or maybe not. She went to the restaurant where they were supposed to meet and she watched and watched for her friend to arrive. She thought she’d been stood up and then a man walked in looking nothing like the photo and walked up to her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. She was floored! He was easily 25 years older than the photo, had far fewer teeth than are required for a full meal and his command of the Queen’s English was dismal. You’re wondering how she handled it, right? She did what any other woman would do. She went to the ladies’ room and texted her friends and had a hilarious laugh at this poor man’s expense. Underneath it all thoug...
Dating Requires Effort
I know you hate to hear that but it’s true. Gone are the days when you could show up in your dirty jeans and stained t-shirt and get a burger at the car-hop joint in town. Ok, that was never an acceptable date but times are changing. The net has shown us that there are lots of people looking for new partners so you have to lift your game if you’re going to be a top contender. Be fit at any size. You don’t have to be slender to be fit. Be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing your breath. Let your date know that IF you make it to bed that you’re not going to huff and puff and make it all seem like work. Be clean. There are some people who think bathing is only required on Saturday night. If any of you are here at SexyAds – you’re wrong. 3 day old body odour is unacceptable and will make you undateable. (is that a word?) Get a clue. Be able to carry on a conversation about something. You don’t have to know everything but know somet...
Distance – Does it Matter?
You wake up at 5:30am and dash to the computer to make sure you get a chance to say hi because you can’t wait all day to have a chat. The time difference means that you have to make changes in your lifestyle so you can catch up with your new sweetie at every opportunity. You’re madly in lust and thousands of miles apart – you live for the moments you’re together online. We see this every day at SexyAds and we remember what it was like for us too. We were 10,000 miles apart and the time was really wacky. He would stay up half the night to chat with me and I’d get up at the buttcrack of dawn to make sure I talked with him in case he went to bed early. There was nothing we wouldn’t have done to make contact. Are long distance relationships worth all that? Probably not for everyone. You have to put off the cuddles, kisses, hugs and more until you’re physically in the same space and some won’t do that. For us they were. WE knew there was so...
One Sided Relationships
I got an email from a guy yesterday and I felt really bad for him. He told me that he’d been in a relationship for more than 11 months and he really cared for her a lot. He was pretty sure she loved him but wished she’d show it more. “Every night we watch tv and I rub her feet,” he said. “I bring home a surprise for her several times a week and I’m always thinking of ways I can show her that I care,” so why doesn’t she reciprocate? The sad fact is that she probably isn’t as much in love as he is. She might be seeing all the things he’s doing as smothering when he sees them as romantic gestures. It was tough to write to him and tell him that if she’s not in the relationship giving as much as she’s receiving, he’s wasting his time with this woman. Why? Because if he accepts this behavior from her, it’s only going to get worse and then he’s going to feel taken for granted and grow ever more resent...
Are You A Big Flirt?
If you’re not, it’s not too late to start today. Do you know how to get someone to respond to your email? 1. Keep it Simple: Use light-hearted emails with an upbeat tone to attract dates online. A 40ish woman told me, “Make your responses simple and use easy questions in your emails if you want to flirt with me.” There is no need for long emails either. A guy recently told me, “I can tell if I am interested in 3-4 sentences.” 2. Make humor your friend: A guy from Missouri told me, “I look at the woman’s profile and ad and then I can tell what kind of humor to put in my reply. If she’s baring her breasts in her photo or she’s got a sexy ad, then my humor is subltly sexy. If she’s got a vanilla photo or ad, then I respond accordingly but I always put something funny in my mail. If I can make her laugh in my mail, I have a better chance at a reply. Humor is definitely sexy and so is confidence. When I write emails I KNOW...
Lusty, Flirty Signals
Pulse racing and knees shaking. Hands trembling and eyes twinkling. Do these signs sound familiar? I bet they are! You don’t have to own a secret decoder ring or be a rocket scientist to recognize the different types of lusty, flirty signals. And yes, before you open your mouth to ask, there really is such a thing. To begin our adventure in the glorious world of flirting, imagine this. There are like a hundred people in the room but you lock eyes with a certain someone. So you stop and stare. In an instant, your eyes are locked in a game of endless gazing If you lock eyes with someone for more than once, then it’s not just an accident anymore. When someone meets your eyes for two or three times, that person is most definitely trying to get your attention. This is among the basic types of flirting signals. Of course, this is all done in subtlety. You have to somehow keep your cool and composure. Otherwise, it just might be a person who thinks you’re a familiar face....
Just a little heads up for some of you who aren’t tops in the spelling department. Your ad and your blog are the first impression you make on a potential new partner. If you have trouble spelling, it can make your ad more difficult to read. There are a couple of words that many people misspell. One is discreet. I’ve seen it spelled as discrete, discreat and discreete. The correct spelling is discreet. The next word that is most often misspelled is tongue. Lots of you like that word and it comes out as tounge. Now if you’re trying to impress someone with the abilities that your tongue has, she’s going to miss the sizzle and wonder about the word. The correct spelling is tongue. I know it’s a stupid way to spell it. It should be tung but it’s not. Most people can read through typo. It’s a new language for most of us. Don’t sweat it; just remember that the best first impression you can make will reap benefits for you.
Be A More Interesting Date
I know we’re ALL great dates but sometimes it makes sense to review some important points that make up a great date. I don’t know about you but I’m sure if I were dating again I’d probably be guilty of forgetting one or two of these. 1. Keep up with what’s going on in the world. No, you don’t have to become a CNN whore and really you’re better off NOT doing that. Notice that news is all about headlines and that’s where we’re headed with this tip. You need to know more than the headline but not about EVERY news article. If you find something in the news that interests you, learn more about it. The important thing is: Know something that is going on. Get informed. Get on the Internet and learn about it. If there is a huge news story in your area, you’d better be able to talk about it or you’re going to look like a dufus. 2. Form an opinion about something and take a stance. Dont waver and stick to your guns. Kerry didnt...
Most women have had the mysterious experience of being turned on by a partners smell. A friend of mine once told me her ex-boyfriends scent made her feel safe and drawn to him, and that his smell was so distinct and attractive that even after a sweaty workout, she found him appealing. The more exercise, the better. Though personality and looks definitely play a part in initial attraction because nobody has figured out how to get a scratch & sniff computer monitor. Smell may play a larger role than we suspect in whether we decide to meet again.. That inexplicable chemistry you feel with someone could be a subconscious scent drawing you to him or her. The first study to indicate that chemical signals play a role in attraction was conducted by Claud Wedekind over a decade ago. Forty-four men wore the same T-shirt for three days. They refrained from deodorants and scented soaps so they wouldnt interfere with their natural smell. Women then sniffed the shirts and indicated which ones...
Why Men Lie?
Men certainly have a major flaw when it comes to dating women. They lie for many reasons to cover up the fact that men are men no matter race, religion or location. Women, however are partly to blame for men lying. If you ask any man why he didnt tell the truth he will most likely say he feared the reaction. The reaction of women is what I blame women for. I know women value honesty very deeply, but in order to get men to be honest, women must be willing to be less reactionary and more understanding. For example, if the average man were to tell a woman about his prior sexual exploits she would undoubtedly be shocked and think he was some kind of pervert. Hence, men dont usually tell these things to women. Typically women are known to be more understanding. In some cases women are indeed more understanding, but it all depends on what they are being told. Going further, while women tend to be reactionary when men tell them what they dont want to hear, they usually will accept these sh...
Wordless ways to say I love you
If you’ve been thinking of ways to make your lover feel special so you’ll get more sex, pick one of these and try it out! Can’t hurt and you never know when you’ll hit the big one! 1. Kiss the inside of your partners hand 2. Leave a love note for your partner to find. 3. Mark designated Loving Days on your calendar. 4. Arrange for take-out and have an indoor picnic. 5. Feed each other. 6. Wash your partners car and leave post-it notes with loving messages for them to find. 7. Frame a favorite picture of the two of you and place it next to your bed. 8. Share a bottle of wine or champagne. 9. Send loving messages on your partners pager or cell phone. 10. Leave a romantic message on your partners answering machine. 11. Slow dance. 12. Hold hands. 13. Go star-gazing together. 14. Dedicate a love song on the radio. 15. Cook a meal together. 16. Blow a kiss. 17. Watch T.V. together in the glow of candlelight. 18. Meet your partner for lunch. 19. Plan a surprise dat...
Can HE and SHE be just friends?
Can men and women just be friends for a lifetime? Unless one or both of them are gay, I believe the answer is no. And even in the case of one friend being gay, there can still be sexual tension. However, that’s not the point here. Men, (most men that is) are interested in having a sexual relationship with 99% of the women they meet over a lifetime. This is not a joke. Men have told me this for years and I’m old enough for those years to count! Men think about sex every 7 seconds throughout the day. Men also have no control over who they find attractive, dont be fooled by religious figures that think this can be controlled. It is simply a natural thing in men. Given the above truth about what men are thinking about during every waking hour, it should not be a surprise that a man will sleep with any of his female friends, even if he does not desire a full blown relationship with them. If the mood is right and the female friend is willing I will guarantee action will take p...
Happy 4th of July
Happy 4th of July everybody! Don’t stop flirting!
Want your ex back? Why???
Anyone who has broken up with someone they loved knows that in many cases you will still think about that person for a long time after you make the split. Sometimes you will think of the good times you had and if you made the right choice by going separate ways. In my experience breaking up has always been a blessing. I dont usually recognize that right away while Im still in the mourning phase of the breakup, but with time I realize that the split happened for a reason and what would prevent it from happening again should we get back together at some point. If you were to sit down and take an inventory of the things that cause your breakup you would realize that getting back together would just bring back those old troubling scenarios. I know there were some good times you can point to, but good times can be had with someone new, however difficult it may be to envision that when youre single again after being with someone for so long. Many of these so called relationship experts wi...
How to Romance a Man
I know, you’re thinking that to romance a man you just need to show up naked, but I think you might be wrong. So often we hear that the man should be the romantic one, and maybe 50 years ago this would have been so but this is 2008, and men like to be spoiled too. Think back to when you first met. The first dates, wining an dining, making an effort to look your best, breakfast in bed, long weekends having frantic sex. Dont you wish it was the same? Well I bet your partner also does. Instead of waiting for him to make the first move (after all we know how slow men are in the romantic take-up department. No offense guys) you take the lead and add a bit of romance into your relationship. Show off your romantic side. 1. Pick up the phone: Give him a ring while he is at the office just to let him know that you are thinking of him. Or if you are confident with phone sex tell him what you are going to do to him once he gets home and in turn what you would like him to do to you. 2. Fi...
What to do when they lie?
I get this question fairly often and every time I hear the story I cringe inside. My first reaction is always anger at someome who lies to make his or her life easier and to get what they want at the risk of hurting someone they says they love. Once I feel the pressure sliding down my body I have to wonder what happened in the relationship that caused this lack of respect. It IS a lack of respect when someone tells a lie because they know the truth will make them look like the piece of crap that they are. It’s like, “I’m doing the wrong thing but I don’t want you to be disappointed or angry with me.” Yeah right, then don’t make promises with your mouth that your actions can’t back up. Just sayin… What is it about people who make promises when they know right up front that they have no intention of keeping their promise but they will hold their partner to theirs. Just drives me nuts. Folks, it’s tough when you love someone ...
Sex does not always mean love
I was chatting online to a new friend yesterday and we began talking about her best friend who she said had been “replaced by her husband.” I thought about that for a minute before saying that maybe she wasn’t replaced at all. Maybe she was never that important to him in the first place. Maybe she was just convenient. How many times have you heard people who’ve been divorced say that they weren’t really in love with their ex, they just thought they were? I’ve heard it. The thing to remember is, both men and women are guilty of thinking theyr’e in love. They don’t test themselves because being with *someone* is better than being alone. A few months or years later and they are unhappy and wondering how the hell to change things. Their eyes begin to wander and figure that an affair is better than hurting their spouse’s feelings. Sometimes, and dare I say it, more than sometimes, we think we’re in love but it’s really a l...
Would You Go For Cheaters?
Do you ever watch that show, Cheaters, on TV ? I watched it for the first time recently and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Why oh why would anyone want to blurb all that crap out on television? While I don’t think we need to keep so many secrets that friends are shocked when it comes out that we’ve been unhappy for a long time – I can’t imagine going on a show and bearing my grief for all to see. Would you consider doing it if you thought your partner/spouse was cheating? I’ve been asked before if I knew for sure that my best friend’s husband was cheating would I tell her. That’s a far cry from chasing a wandering spouse to publicly humiliate him or her. I dunno, I couldn’t imagine doing it. I think I’d just prefer to leave and put it all behind me. Think about going through life as “the guy whose wife cheated on him on tv”? or “the woman whose husband pretended to be a talent scout when he was really a jani...
Types of Women You Should Avoid
When pursuing your lady, use this as a guide—The Player’s list of five types of women you should avoid. The Player has encountered many types of women in his existence, so who better to make a list than someone who’s been through the entire book? Don’t worry though, this list isn’t gospel—it simply offers a few guidelines to keep you from meeting Dr. Jekyll, but dating Mrs. Hyde… proceed at your own discretion. The Smart-Ass Every man likes an articulate woman, a girl who can voice her opinion, sound intelligent and impress your friends with a philosophical debate on the downward spiral of modern politics. OK, maybe that’s pushing it a bit, but a woman with verbal confidence can be a hell of a turn-on. But let’s be realistic—while it’s always nice to date someone who is charismatic and well-versed, it’s something quite different to date a woman who beats the opinionated war drum. Unfortunately, these types exist, and for those ...
The Best Place to Meet People?
Recently, this question was asked of heaps of women on About.com and the results were really interesting to me. The women said that if you wanted to meet someone, a pub, bar or tavern wasn’t their place of first choice. They’d go to a coffee shop and when someone came in that they were really interested in, they’d make eye contact. If that worked then they’d either ask for suggestions on what was best, ask if they liked what they were served (you might want that next time) or ask what time it was. These are all excellent ice breakers and I can see why it works. So let’s take this reasoning and put it in an online dating scenario and I have to tell you, “hot tits!” isn’t quite the same as an introduction. The coffee shop women all used personal information they gleaned from watching the men. They looked at what they were eating or they watched them deciding what to order or they noticed the guy had a watch and asked for the time. Why? N...
Let’s do the Groove, Let’s Dance!
Can you dance? Studies in the US and in Europe show that women are more attracted to a man who can dance. Of course they don’t explain why that is but I can guess. Dancing is like foreplay with your clothes on. They do say that if you don’t dance some women will consider you a bad choice, equating no dancing = low testosterone and therefore lousy in bed. You don’t have to be a great dancer to dance. In fact, the worse you are proves how comfortable you are in your own skin. This is a quality highly prized by lots of women. For some reason in North America, dancing has become known as a non-masculine thing to do. Heaps of men won’t even try. Most women hate that. Men in other cultures don’t even question whether they should dance or not. Dancing has been a girlgetter for thousands of years, so don’t let your dancing shoes get dull. If you are able to make your way around a dance floor your chances with women increase nearly 85%. Dancing is a great icebreak...
17% of All Relationships Begin With a Hook-Up
According to this month’s Cosmopolitan magazine a whopping 17% of all relationships start with a one-night-stand. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either but if Cosmo says it, it’s gotta be true, right? My skepticism waned a bit when I read their reasoning as to why so many people start their relationship from a hook-up. Times have changed. There is no longer the stigma that women carry who’ve had a casual affair. These days, frankly nobody cares what someone else does with their sexuality. From a former president who has oral sex in his office with an intern to televangelists who lose everything for a bit of a romp in the sack – it’s old news. The time between the first date and first sex has reduced to sometimes just a few hours. The rest of the relationship dynamics haven’t changed. So how does one move a hook-up to a relationship? Start by looking for clues that maybe he or she might be open to doing more things with you than just having sex....
Help, My Wife’s Too Fat !
Ever get an email that tugs at your heartstrings a bit? It was from a man who’s checking on the web to see if the grass is greener in someone else’s yard. I doubt he really wants to find someone new. He’s just frustrated. He’s a fitness guru and his wife has put on weight and it’s “bad for his image.” Here’s his email: My wife and I met at the gym and we used to go jogging together twice a week. Four years ago we moved in together and now have a little girl who’s nearly 1. My wife put on a lot of weight when she was pregnant, and once the baby arrived she said she was always too tired or too stressed to work out. Now, a year later, she’s what I’d call obese and I can’t get her to do any exercise. I’ve begged her to come running with me, and I bought her a membership to the gym, but she refuses to do a thing no matter how much I beg. I’ve talked and talked about it and all she does is get angry so...
Can You Stop Your Better-Half From Cheating?
This is an article from Psychology Today which I think bears repeating. How hard should you work to prevent your spouse from cheating? Should you check their email and their text messages? Go through their car and pockets and purse, checking for unexplained receipts, or underwear that’s not yours? Call them at odd times, to make sure they are where they said they would be, doing what they said they were doing? Should you demand they share with you their Facebook password, so you can make sure they are not using the social site to reconnect with old flames? Or not? Are these things worth it? Do they help, or do they actually make things worse? Recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology offers some interesting and tantalizing suggestions that these efforts to control your spouse, and command sexual fidelity, might actually increase their desire to pursue extramarital sex. Lead researcher Nathan DeWall published results of three connected studie...
An Open Letter to All Men
Men. All men. Including you over there. Let’s talk. In a world full of women who think of little else but sex, have you given any regard to how you sit? I can’t go anywhere and find a man who isn’t sitting with his legs wide open. It doesn’t matter if you’re at the ball game, the movies, sitting on a park bench or at the library – the legs are wide open. Imagine how difficult it is for us women to concentrate when you’re flashing the goods this way? I nearly tripped on the way to the ladies room the other day when I was gazing at a crotch instead of watching where I was going and nearly whacked myself into a pole. Now when we’re about to do what God intended men and women to do – show me all you’ve got but if we’re only playing gin rummy, I would prefer that you help me keep my concentration. It’s possible that if I had a penis I’d want to show it off that way too, so I’m not complaining. That positi...
Can you flirt online?
It’s hard enough to flirt with someone you’re interested in offline; how the heck do you flirt when you’re dating online? Lots of people can do it, and so can you. It’s pretty simple – you put the other person at ease and you make them feel good. It’s not rocket science. We keep telling people to send complimentary comments to every person that interests them. We say it because we’ve seen it work time and time again. Don’t wait til you meet in person to test out your flirting ability with someone. Try it out online. Meeting someone new can be lots of fun and doesn’t have to be stressful, especially if you’ve flirted beforehand. It boosts your confidence for the real thing. Compliments. They do two things — they let the other person know you’re interested and they show that you’ve been paying attention to their photo, their blog, their forum posts – whatever it was that caught your eye. Unless you pas...
A Secret in the Success of a Relationship?
A woman wrote to me this week about why she’s having such a tough time keeping her life in order. She goes from one drama to another and never seems to be able to hold on to a relationship. She’s a successful businesswoman and if you didn’t know better, you’d think she was one of those people who always drink from a sterling silver cup. Have you ever thought about why you’re successful in some areas of your life but not in others? I used to think it was all about talent and training but now I’m not so sure. Some people — and we all know who they are — seem to have their life on autopilot most of the time. Good things just fall into place for them time and time again. They seem happy all the time. I think now it’s not so much that some people are just more talented and able than the rest of us. I think some people plan and prepare for the outcome they want to see happen in their lives. They believe they’re capable of being, ...
Beauty is Ageless
Ladies if you’re over 40 and feeling that your use-by date is slowly inching toward you, forget it! Times they are a-changin. L’Oreal, long famous for using very beautiful and famous women to be their ambassadors in marketing their products has chosen Ines de la Fressange as this year’s model. Ines has been a catwalk model and is very beautiful AND she’s 53. Yes, I said that right.. she’s fifty three years old. How cool is that?? L’Oreal gets a big high five from me for realizing that women of all ages, shapes and sizes benefit from seeing *real* women in their advertising. I can’t relate to a 20 something that’s so skinny she looks malnourished. I would never want to look like that and I would pass the products they sell right on by. It’s very encouraging to see that women of all ages are considered beautiful and worthy of our attention.
“Fuck you” Song – Sign language performance
“Fuck you” Song – Sign language performanceMore articles from this author:
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