The Pink ArtichokeThe Pink Artichoke
It's Funny. It's Sex. It's My Funny Opinion on All Things Sex. Oh, and then there's Fantasy Friday.
If Only My Foot Had a Vagina
JT's Stockroom - SiFeet Pussy FootAh, the wonders of technology. Now, not only are you able to buy silicone feet to jack off to, but the feet come with a built-in vagina. Who would ever want to fuck real feet again? Technorati Tags: foot fetish, pussy foot
More About: Vagina
A Different Way to Toss Your Salad
Salad dressing semen spawns trouble - Yahoo! NewsKids do the darndest things. An Illinois youth decided to play a fun-loving prank on the whole school by ejaculating into a bottle of ranch dressing in the high school cafeteria. The judge who sentenced him said the prank was "beyond stupid." The youth's friends, all two of them, said the look on the cafeteria lady's face was "priceless." Comic courtesy of TOOTHPASTEFORDINNER.COM
But, Officer, I'm a PORN STAR.
Article about the Porn Star's liaison with a complicit highway patrol officer and excerpts from her blog detailing the events...Technorati Tags:porn star, barbie cummings, dirty cop
ABC News: Identical Twins Caught in Paternity FlapIn my opinion, this woman who is suing twin brothers for paternity, should've known that "dating" twin brothers was a recipe for disaster. I mean, didn't she ever watch any episode on TV that involved guest appearances by twins? Whole sitcoms have been built around twins, because there's such drama and angst inherent in twin sibling pairings. This woman should've known. I have no sympathy for her because, frankly, I think she's rather dumb. Proof #1 -- She had sex with one of the twins AFTER A RODEO. She got drunk, attended a rodeo, and banged on the twin's door asking for sex. I guess the twin wasn't that good because a few hours later, she goes to see the other twin and has sex with him. Proof #2 -- She obviously did not use protection in either instance. But my real beef is with the twins. Neither of them both want to end up paying child support, and since their DNA is identical, paternity can't really be determ...
Fantasy Friday: Manwich, Part Three or The Old Switcheroo
Read Manwich, Part OneRead Manwich, Part Two"Thwack!" Lucy squealed in delight just as the green strap made contact with her luscious ass. Immediately, it produced a red mark that would make any domme proud. "Thwack!" In between thrusts, Rob was bringing the green strap down with a minimal amount of force, but the marks it left told otherwise. You could tell Rob was enjoying being the aggressor and Lucy was loving every second of being the submissive. Since Lucy was positioned on her hands and knees as Rob fucked her doggy style, I went around to face her and kiss her in between the beatings with the green strap. She smiled at me, and I asked, "You like that, baby? You like being used like that, don't you?" She smiled again and nodded, then closed her eyes just as the green strap made contact with her ass again. Sensing Lucy's enjoyment of being the sub, I immediately assumed the role of the domme, ordering her forcefully to lick my cunt while she got fucked from behind. ...
No, Grandpa, a Nudie Camp is NOT My Idea of Fun
Nudists Try to Attract Younger Following | The Huffington PostOh those crazy nudists. They're at it again. Trying to get more people to accept their lifestyle and say, "I'm Here. I'm Naked. And I'm Proud." Apparently nudist camps are starting to look more like New Horizons Assisted Living Facility hopped up on Ecstasy than the hotbed of young, taut, nubile bodies that they really want to attract. So, their solution is to offer discounts to college students and have a mentoring program where young nudists, you know, persuade other young people to be, well, nude. Because, of course, if it were some old guy in a yellow cap and nothing else on, it would be kinda creepy. The problem with their plan is that their senior marketing managers probably have not set foot into a nightclub or bar recently. One look at all the exposed flesh in one of those places, and you'd think you were at a nude beach. Plus there are more people their age there. It wouldn't be like you were stu...
Hump Day Lady Lumps
FresnoBee.com: Local: Crowning moment"John-ny! John-ny! John-ny!" That's what Fresno's Roosevelt High School prom attendees started chanting when the prom queen was named on Saturday. They wanted a prom queen, they got a prom Queen. I must say, Johnny Vera looks pretty darn good as a woman. Like she could give Paris Hilton a run for her money. And, according to the article, the title was well-deserved because of Johnny's winning attitude and an Oprah-esque positivity that would probably make all the goth kids stand around in a coven circle and puke. She's the first and only transgendered prom queen in America. Unfortunately, the lesbian at Fresno High School who ran for prom king didn't get the win there. Maybe that's because the ones who vote for the prom king and queen are usually the cheerleading and yearbook staff girls who are fine with guys who look hotter than them, but when it comes to bull dykes, they have no mercy. All this begs the question...what's with...
An Interesting Twist on an Old Story
Local News | Jury acquits Spanaway man of bestiality charge | Seattle Times NewspaperNow, I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm creative enough to come up with such an interesting way to tell your husband you want to call it quits. Call me crazy, but there are more civil ways to do it than calling up the police and telling them you caught him fucking the family dog. More civil, but not as interesting. The wife must have wanted to get back at her husband in a bad way causing her to think up such a thing. He was the first person in Washington state to be tried for a new law making bestiality a felony. Poor pit bull, caught in the middle of all this mess.Technorati Tags: bestiality
I. C. U. P.
Police: Man had bathroom camerasAs I've said before, there's a fetish for everything. I've blogged about a guy who has a fetish for cars, specifically Knight Rider's KITT car. And then there was the fetish for Japanese schoolgirls who fart in one's face. And now...this. Apparently, some guy in Maine got off on videotaping his family while in the bathroom. 24 hours a day. Without their knowledge. And, if you read the article, the way he was busted is even more strange. Some random motorist with a wireless video monitor in his vehicle caught the live broadcast of someone using the toilet. Now, why would anyone have a wireless video monitor in their car? Maybe there's a fetish for that, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- provided that no one gets hurt in the process. Technorati Tags: bathroom camera, fetish, sex crimes
Fantasy Friday..er..Saturday. Manwich, Part Two.
Read Manwich, Part One.I looked through the peekhole to make sure it was Rob. His trademark sexy shaved head was right there, and the smile on his face told me that he knew I was peeking out at him. I opened the door widely, wearing absolutely nothing, and his face lit up.Eyebrows raised, he said, "I guess I'm late. Started the party without me?" He walked towards me, and I leaned in, grabbed him by his waist, and began to unbutton his jeans. Smiling, he started kissing me as I led him towards the bed. He saw Lucy naked on the bed, and said, "Well, hello...""Oh sorry," I said, "Rob, this is Lucy...Lucy, this is..." Lucy had brought herself to the edge of the bed, and as Rob held his hand out to shake hers, she went straight for the unbuttoned jeans I had started on and began to unzip them, getting ready to take Rob's cock into her mouth. Rob was already hard by this time, and Lucy grabbed his erect shaft in her hand and wrapped her lips around the head, swirling her tongue...
Fantasy Friday - Gonna Make Me a Man Sandwich. A Manwich, if you will.
This story is dedicated to the ThROBster. You know who you are.While most girls would like an MFM threesome, I actually want an FMF threesome. For those of you not up on the "lingo," that's code for Female-Male-Female. What could be better than that? The best of both worlds...My hot asian friend, Lucy, who I've always had a thing for, tells me the other day that she wants to share a guy with me. "Are you serious?" I ask, stunned...and excited."Yes, I'm dead serious," she says, looking down. "I've thought about it for a while now...you're my very best friend, and I know there wouldn't be any jealousy or shit like that. I know you're naughty, Lisa." She smiles, looking at me this time.Aware that there was so much more than that statement in her smile, I smile back, holding her gaze. "Well, yes, I've been known to get a little out of hand."I tell her that there's a guy that I fuck occasionally who has been talking non-stop about having two girls. "Wouldn't it be gre...
Throat cancer linked to HPV infectionFirst it was cervical cancer that we had to worry about with HPV (human papillomavirus), and now, it's throat cancer. The sexually transmitted human papillomavirus causes some throat cancers in men and women, and oral sex increases the risk, U.S. researchers say. Even though getting throat cancer is extremely rare in most cases, it gives us one more reason to use condoms and urge our young women to get the HPV vaccine. Because, really, that's the last thing they want to worry about when they're giving head behind the bleachers of the middle school soccer field. Technorati Tags: HPV, sex
Your Honor, I was drunk. I was on prescribed medication. I had diarrhea. These were the excuses a New England man gave a judge in March when he was arraigned for mooning people on a bridge. He was fined $500. If only Paris Hilton used those same excuses, she might not be going to jail. Diarrhea is a golden excuse. She should use it when she's in the slammer and she has to mingle with the plebians. Just tell them you have diarrhea, dear. No one will bother you. Technorati Tags: diarrhea, paris hilton, mooning
You're Not Fit to Wear the Uniform
Police take down stripper's particulars for impersonation - Yahoo! News So, this stripper gets taken in and booked for impersonating an officer, when really he was just dressed in his requisite stripper uniform, getting ready to do an act. But I guess the two female plain-clothed officers decided he just wasn't doing the uniform justice. This is the scene I imagine:Outside a bar, two plainclothes female police officers parked in a car across the street are just finishing a stake out. There is a small line outside the bar, and a few people are near the door talking and smoking. One of those people is a 24 year old blonde guy dressed in a cop uniform, who moments before had just arrived.Female Cop 1: (to Female Cop 2) Hey, it looks like there's a cop on duty here at this bar.Female Cop 2: You serious? Maybe he got a call about a fight or something. (gets a closer look at the officer) He doesn't look familiar. But, fuck, he's hot. Look at that ass.Female Cop 1: Let's go...
And the World is a Better Place Because of It
Thousands strip off for world's biggest nude photoshoot | the Daily MailSo Mexico might not have a strong economy or clean drinking water, but they do have donkey shows and now this. Apparently, a Brooklyn artist who uses naked bodies as the subjects of his artwork, filled a whole plaza in Mexico City with 18,000 naked bodies. He even got a man in a wheelchair. And the great thing about the event was that most of the participants saw it as a show of patriotic solidarity rather than a chance to show off their private parts to the world. In between shots, they sang Mexican folk songs. I can't help but think that if there was a photo shoot this big in the U.S., half of the crowd might not even know the national anthem. And then the LAPD would show up and start pelting people with rubber bullets. Ouch.Technorati Tags:naked art, public nudity
We Don't Need No Water, Let the Motherf***er Burn
ITV News - Firemen mistaken for strippersIt was an honest mistake. If I was watching a strip show, I too would have thought I hit the jackpot when not one but a whole team of firefighters came bursting through the doors ready to quench fire. OK, so the fire they were going to quench was not in my loins but in the back room where the actual stripper got a little carried away with the lighter fluid for his own fireman routine. But I seriously wonder how many of those firemen were just a little tempted to put on a little show for some extra cash. Not a bad side job, dontcha think?Technorati Tags: firemen stripper, firemen routine, strip show
Fantasy Friday: Supporting Our Troops, Part I
I've always had a thing for men in uniform. As a toddler, I would wave at cops and call them my boyfriends, and every time I see servicemen in uniform I have to fight the urge to just jump them right then and there. Well, here's my fantasy...I've been captured by soldiers as an enemy combatant, and they take me into a secluded room for questioning. Tied to a chair and gagged, dressed only in my underwear, they proceed to tell me that I will do as told and that they will have their way with me. They ungag me but still leave me tied to the chair with my hands behind my back. They each take turns sticking their rock hard cocks into my mouth, gagging me and pounding the back of my throat with each thrust. I've had quite a few cocks in my lifetime, but six in a row has set a new record. They tell me to suck their balls, and lick their assholes, forcing me to do all these things while still bound to the chair. Eventually, they loosen the ties around me and proceed to undress m...
How many nude asian chicks can you fit in a telephone boothGod, I love the Japanese. They've done absolutely everything, I mean EVERYTHING, you can possibly do in a porno. While watching this video is not particularly the kind of thing that would get me all hot and bothered, it sure made me laugh. Try and guess how many Asian chicks they ended up fitting into a telephone booth. Go ahead, try. Technorati Tags: japanese porn, nude asian chicks
Livin' La Vida Loca
Ricky Martin 'shows nude footage at concert'Ricky Martin. That Wild and Crazy Guy. He showed sexy (gasp!) clips at his concert the other day, shocking fans. AND he apparently used the F-Bomb quite a few times. What the hell is the world coming to?? First Ricky Martin curses and swears and shows sexy video clips at his concert. Next thing you know, politicians and lawmakers will be hiring prostitutes and lying to the public about everything from taking bribes to being gay. The End is Near.Technorati Tags: Ricky Martin
Adopt a Clitoris
Clitoraid - Sponsor a Clitoris: NewsHave you heard The Clitoraid Story? If you have, then I'm sorry. If you haven't, watch the video, look at the website and come to your own conclusions. Sadly atrocities such as ridding a woman of a major part of her womanhood really do happen. Even more sad is that the cause to help clitorises (clitorae?) across Africa has been adopted by none other than whackjob mccracker Rael, leader of the infamous space cadets the Raelians. In case you didn't know, Raelism is a religion started by a former auto racing journalist who believes in UFOs and started the company Clonaid, a "human cloning company." At least, if they do manage to clone humans, we'll know that the women will all have fully functioning clitorises. Thank god...er, Rael...for that.Technorati Tags: clitoraid, clitoris, raelians, rael, clonaid
Sign Me Up!
The Daily Record - NEWS - WONDER PILL FOR WOMENWhoever thought of making a pill that would increase your sex drive AND help you lose weight is GENIUS. Pure Genius. If this is really the wonder drug that it says it is, it could just be the medical breakthrough of the decade and women will be popping these pills left and right much like 70-year-olds have been with Viagra. Granted, it would be nice to see a cure for cancer or Alzheimer's, but with the current administration, progress in those areas has been delayed. Technorati Tags: wonderpill, sex drive
And So the Name Game Begins...
'I Abhor Injustice,' Alleged Madam Says - washingtonpost.comI can't wait to see who else is on this D.C. Madam's list. So far, one deputy secretary of state, Randall Tobias, has resigned after confirming that he used "gals...to give me a massage." Hmmmmm, with a happy ending perhaps?? The thing that irks me about all this is not that a public official hired escorts, but the idea that this public official is in charge of overseeing abstinence-only programs abroad. When will this administration ever learn, like any good Christian, that they've got to practice what they preach? Technorati Tags: D.C. Madam, prostitution
Fantasy Friday: From Husband to Man Whore, Chap. 1-3
OK, I'm going to shamelessly plug my new site, Cumluscious, a full-on cum-crazed blog. I started a new story on there, and I'm gonna be lazy and just link to it rather than write a whole new story for this blog. Don't worry, I'll post something erotica-slanted sometime next week, but for now, this'll have to do. Enjoy!From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 1From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 2From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 3
He Bought the Cow and Died Trying to Get the Milk for Free
Cambodian kicked to death by unaccommodating cow - Unusual Tales - SpecialsHow sad is this? Some old guy in Cambodia decides that Old Bessie, the cow with the great hind end and huge udder, is looking mighty sexy. So in the attempt to fuck the cow, he dies, suffering from fatal injuries to the head and the groin. I guess Old Bessie wasn't having it. Tsk, tsk. So there's a lesson for you kids. Make sure you wear protective gear when you decide to have sex with a cow.
The Sun Online - News: Queen's Guards in X-rated filmApparently, those infamous Queen's Guards -- you know the ones that wear the red uniforms and funny hats and guard the Queen of England -- are a bunch of raunchy, horny, naughty little wankers. A few of them got really drunk, in their uniforms of course, and shot an x-rated video of them baring their asses, slapping each others butts, and participating in some wankeroo with each other. In my mind, it's not really the activity that got them fired, it's the fact that they videotaped it and allowed the incriminating evidence to land in the wrong hands. Besides, how could you NOT get horny just looking at those fucking hairy, phallic hats? As much as these soldiers stand and walk around like robots, they're just human for fuckssake. And they're fucking sexy. I always had a thing for the Nutcracker. Just the name alone gets me all hot. Oh Baby.Technorati Tags: queen's guards sex, horny nutcracker